BEST USED WHEN LOSING TO OPPONENT
1. Give impression that you are “absolutely honored to be here” with rival candidate during televised debate.
2. 36 hours later, yell “Shame on you!” repeatedly at candidate and accuse him of spreading false information. Conveniently forget that you already saw the items provoking your feigned ire, weeks ago. Ignore the facts. Appear visibly angry. Wear red suit.
3. Next day. Mock candidate’s core platform of using hope and inspiration to engender change. Use language like this, which appears to make candidate’s 20 million supporters look delusional:
“I could stand up here and say, let’s just get everybody together, let’s get unified, the sky will open, the light will come down, celestial choirs will be singing, and everyone will know we should do the right thing, and the world will be perfect,” Hillary Clinton told a crowd. “… You are not going to wave a magic wand and have the special interests disappear.”
4. Following day. Send out a picture from your campaign showing rival candidate wearing traditional garb during foreign visit. Encourage divisiveness and the association that the candidate is part of extreme religious organization. Exclude the pictures where you have worn such garb yourself. Make sure your campaign does not deny orchestrating the scheme, in case they get found out later.
Include this line in the email to media: “Wouldn’t we be seeing this on the cover of every magazine if it were HRC?”
5. Continue to paint rival candidate as “the black” candidate. Use African-American campaign manager as voice against black candidate in order to avoid any claims of racism. Continue the theme of “shame”.
Clinton campaign manager Maggie Williams responds: “If Barack Obama’s campaign wants to suggest that a photo of him wearing traditional Somali clothing is divisive, they should be ashamed.”
6. Same day. Imply that candidate is so incapable, he would need a beginner’s manual for essential elements of his Presidency.
Hillary Clinton said today that unlike Obama, she would not “need a foreign policy instruction manual to guide [her] through a crisis.”
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These six easy steps will help you effectively lead a smear campaign. If you are envious of your candidate’s appeal, be sure to yell out in front of reporters:
Enough with the speeches and big rallies!
Such remarks will not reveal your annoyance that rival candidate gathers larger crowds and support.
If you can complete these 6 steps in less than 96 hours - your effectiveness may be increased.
Disclaimer: The above steps may result in decreased support from your constituents and/or increased support for your rival. In the case of either, consult high-priced advisers for next plan of action.